Since my brain has become disfunctional because of tests, homework, and such I have decided to write about February.
My birthday is in February. I'm kind of dreading turning fourteen. That means that I am going to high school this year. I mean its a given but I feel like time is running out. My mom is being really lame about it. She said that considering she has to pay for all the food (cake, pizza, etc.) and drinks, she won't give me a present. I can't even object because she will just give me a dirty look and say that I'm a greedy and ungrateful person. I can't really say anything bad though. She has barely had any sleep since the baby has been born and she is hopefully going to help me with college. For anyone wondering I was kidding about the second part.
My friend's birthday is tomorrow and I was able to pull some balloons together and get her a gift but my balloons are drooping and my gift is a hand made bracelet. Really lame but I hope she likes it. After all this will be her last birthday with us.
My friend is moving a week after my birthday. It really stinks because she is moving to the other side of the country so it's not like we can see each other often. It's depressing to know that I won't have anyone to walk home with. I guess I'll have to email her like crazy.
February is a winter month which means I have school. I like winter here because it isn't very cold. This really defeats the purpose of calling it winter. If we get lucky, or unlucky considering I don't like the cold, we might get a rainy day or sometimes even a little bit of snow up in the mountains.
All in all February is a month of joy and sadness. For me it truly encompasses my feelings. A warm ray of sunshine that warms me while I stand in the middle of a frozen world of change and uncertainty. So I will love this month and I will enjoy all it has to offer.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Year
I know I'm writing this a bit late and I'm sorry if this bothers you snotty perfectionists. Just kidding. Everyone is making their New Year's resolution and this year I've made a few myself. This is significant for me because I usually don't have any resolutions until June or maybe even later. So here are my New Year's resolutions for anyone who cares.
1. Don't act like the world is coming to an end when my ipod, cell phone, or internet aren't working
2. Weigh less than 120 lbs. (currently 123)
3. Do something different this year (anything exciting or extravagant)
4. Finish and publish my fanfiction
5. Showing the shy, nice, and sensitive part of me that people rarely see
6. Be nice to those I hate
7. Don't be pushy about friends' secrets, they'll tell me when they are ready
8. Not think of killing my cousin every time I see him
9. Don't be greedy
10. Don't get annoyed at people so easily, they probably think I'm even more annoying
11. Don't make mean or snide jokes about my friends, most times they know I'm joking but I don't want to hurt them if they take some stuff seriously
I'll probably think of more but for now I think that's all I can handle. I know I'm not going to succeed in all of these things but I hope I get close to reaching the more important things.
1. Don't act like the world is coming to an end when my ipod, cell phone, or internet aren't working
2. Weigh less than 120 lbs. (currently 123)
3. Do something different this year (anything exciting or extravagant)
4. Finish and publish my fanfiction
5. Showing the shy, nice, and sensitive part of me that people rarely see
6. Be nice to those I hate
7. Don't be pushy about friends' secrets, they'll tell me when they are ready
8. Not think of killing my cousin every time I see him
9. Don't be greedy
10. Don't get annoyed at people so easily, they probably think I'm even more annoying
11. Don't make mean or snide jokes about my friends, most times they know I'm joking but I don't want to hurt them if they take some stuff seriously
I'll probably think of more but for now I think that's all I can handle. I know I'm not going to succeed in all of these things but I hope I get close to reaching the more important things.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Best Dance Ever
When my friend M*** said that she wasn't coming to the dance I got really bummed out. I thought about not going but I had already bought the ticket and there are no refunds so I went.
At first it was really slow. Practically no one was there. I followed S******and J***** as we searched for our stalkies. They weren't there.
Then we went through the path for wheelchair kids and found ourselves blocked by some 7th graders with their feet on both sides of the path. We pushed our way through.
"We made it across the bridge of fags," I said and we all started laughing.
After that we went downstairs with K**** and snuck into the game room (none of us wanted to pay the $1 entrance fee). There we found E***, Link, and some other former stalkies of ours. They were playing Guitar Hero (or something like that) and we decided to join in. We split the microphone between the four of us and sang to any songs we knew. We failed a bunch of times but we still managed a few songs like Don't Stop Believing and (Don't Fear) the Reaper. When we played Pretty Fly (for a white guy) by the Offspring everyone other than E*** failed. At one point another girl and C***** joined in.
It was so sad when we had to leave but both J***** and S****** didn't have rides so I offered to give them one. We had to wait until C****, my mom's husband came to pick us up. My mom told me that we had to wait where she usually picked me up which was on the other side of the school.
I started to run across the field as fast as I could. I heard J***** close behind and S*** a little further away. We met up with K**** at the front of the school.
My mom called me again to tell me that C**** would leave work soon and that we should wait. While she was telling me this, J*****, S***, and K**** were saying that I was hot or thanks for the drugs in really deep, funny voices. After I closed the phone I told them to shut up. I grabbed S***'s empty pixie stick (the big one) and started whacking K**** with it.
Then K****'s dad came and picked her up. We shouted "Thanks for the alcohol" and "thanks for the drugs" as she jumped in the car. I hope she doesn't get in trouble cause we were just joking (of course).
We ran a little more to where C**** was supposed to pick us up and laid down on the grass. I was really thirsty so I asked S*** for a waterfall. It was cold and refreshing but it also went down my shirt and on my pants. We laughed even harder. The people across the street must have thought we were crazy. We didn't care.
Then the Santa on the fire truck passed by and we waved so that we could get candy canes. They didn't just throw it, they chucked it. We ran into the street and I almost got run over in an attempt to get a candy cane. At least it tasted good. We lay back on the ground and laughed so hard that we almost choked on the candy canes. We laughed some more and talked about why Santa had tried to murder us with candy canes.
I remembered a theory we made up earlier that day. We had said that since coal was so expensive Santa's going to give you the runs if you were being bad. We laughed at that too.
Then this guy pulled up by where we were laying down. He was in a long black volvo and had a weird look on his face. For a while he just stood there so I got bored and shouted, "If your not gonna put us in the trunk of your car then you might as well leave."
As if by magic he looked at his backseat and then turned around and drove away. We laughed again.
Carey finally came and we headed over to J*****'s house. It took her forever to tell us whether to turn left or right so I asked her if she was dyslexic. She said that she could read just fine. I told her that I don't think dyslexia is only when your reading.
"I'm not dislec... disl... uhhh," S*** tried to say.
"Are you sure?" I asked and we all started laughing.
When we got to Jackie's house her front door was locked so me and S*** laughed as Jackie through her hands in the air and stomped off to the back door. We started toward S***'s house.
It was easier to follow her instructions and we got there really fast.
I calmed down a bit. I felt kind of sad now that I was all rational and the fun of the evening seemed to die down. So here I am, writing it all down so a little bit of the feeling remains. It feels nice to do this.
P.S. For all you bums who didn't come, you missed out on a lot of fun. :P
At first it was really slow. Practically no one was there. I followed S******and J***** as we searched for our stalkies. They weren't there.
Then we went through the path for wheelchair kids and found ourselves blocked by some 7th graders with their feet on both sides of the path. We pushed our way through.
"We made it across the bridge of fags," I said and we all started laughing.
After that we went downstairs with K**** and snuck into the game room (none of us wanted to pay the $1 entrance fee). There we found E***, Link, and some other former stalkies of ours. They were playing Guitar Hero (or something like that) and we decided to join in. We split the microphone between the four of us and sang to any songs we knew. We failed a bunch of times but we still managed a few songs like Don't Stop Believing and (Don't Fear) the Reaper. When we played Pretty Fly (for a white guy) by the Offspring everyone other than E*** failed. At one point another girl and C***** joined in.
It was so sad when we had to leave but both J***** and S****** didn't have rides so I offered to give them one. We had to wait until C****, my mom's husband came to pick us up. My mom told me that we had to wait where she usually picked me up which was on the other side of the school.
I started to run across the field as fast as I could. I heard J***** close behind and S*** a little further away. We met up with K**** at the front of the school.
My mom called me again to tell me that C**** would leave work soon and that we should wait. While she was telling me this, J*****, S***, and K**** were saying that I was hot or thanks for the drugs in really deep, funny voices. After I closed the phone I told them to shut up. I grabbed S***'s empty pixie stick (the big one) and started whacking K**** with it.
Then K****'s dad came and picked her up. We shouted "Thanks for the alcohol" and "thanks for the drugs" as she jumped in the car. I hope she doesn't get in trouble cause we were just joking (of course).
We ran a little more to where C**** was supposed to pick us up and laid down on the grass. I was really thirsty so I asked S*** for a waterfall. It was cold and refreshing but it also went down my shirt and on my pants. We laughed even harder. The people across the street must have thought we were crazy. We didn't care.
Then the Santa on the fire truck passed by and we waved so that we could get candy canes. They didn't just throw it, they chucked it. We ran into the street and I almost got run over in an attempt to get a candy cane. At least it tasted good. We lay back on the ground and laughed so hard that we almost choked on the candy canes. We laughed some more and talked about why Santa had tried to murder us with candy canes.
I remembered a theory we made up earlier that day. We had said that since coal was so expensive Santa's going to give you the runs if you were being bad. We laughed at that too.
Then this guy pulled up by where we were laying down. He was in a long black volvo and had a weird look on his face. For a while he just stood there so I got bored and shouted, "If your not gonna put us in the trunk of your car then you might as well leave."
As if by magic he looked at his backseat and then turned around and drove away. We laughed again.
Carey finally came and we headed over to J*****'s house. It took her forever to tell us whether to turn left or right so I asked her if she was dyslexic. She said that she could read just fine. I told her that I don't think dyslexia is only when your reading.
"I'm not dislec... disl... uhhh," S*** tried to say.
"Are you sure?" I asked and we all started laughing.
When we got to Jackie's house her front door was locked so me and S*** laughed as Jackie through her hands in the air and stomped off to the back door. We started toward S***'s house.
It was easier to follow her instructions and we got there really fast.
I calmed down a bit. I felt kind of sad now that I was all rational and the fun of the evening seemed to die down. So here I am, writing it all down so a little bit of the feeling remains. It feels nice to do this.
P.S. For all you bums who didn't come, you missed out on a lot of fun. :P
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Life, Death, and Immortality
I was falling asleep last night when I thought about what it would feel like to be old. I had such a clear picture in my head that it scared me. I wondered how fast time would fly between now and then. It made me wonder about life, death, and the prospect of immortality.
Life seems like a dream sometimes. The time seems to slip through my fingers like water and the only trace left of it are the tiny drops that are my memories. Sometimes it seems like my life is some big reality show. However said that life is like a lemon was spot on in my opinion. Sometimes I think that it would be nice not to feel pain, sorrow, jealousy,or longing but without feeling these things we would take all of the good things for granted and miss the most remarkable moments of life. I'm a gotta-see-it-to believe-it kind of person but I do believe that being able to feel love, pain, happiness, and even anger are miracles. Without feelings I would not feel alive. I think that true happiness can only be achieved by feeling all of the other emotions (good and bad) and letting myself bask in the moment.
I'm afraid of death. I'm also a little excited. What comes next? Will I feel? Is there a heaven and hell or is death just a gray void? Or will I be reincarnated? I have traveled a little around the world so I'm not afraid of the unknown as long as it's on Earth because, when I think about it, it's not really that unknown. I know that I am still on Earth, I usually know where on Earth that is, and I know that I can go home. Death is totally different. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know if I'll be alone or with the ones I love, I don't even know if I will be able to feel anything. That doesn't matter to me as much as the knowledge that there is no going back. If I don't like what happens or even if I become a hallow shell with no feelings or memories I won't be able to wish it all away and come back to life. I can accept that I will die and sometimes I become very curious but I still have that fear of never coming back. Of leaving the nice, cozy familiar things that anchor me here and stepping into the cold and uncertain unknown. Death is the future but when I die will I have a future? Will I have a past or present? Moreover will I still have my memories. I don't think I could stand to loose all of the things that make me who I am.
Everyone has wanted to live forever once in their lifetime. Usually it's when they are younger and they feel that they will be invincible if only they wouldn't...uh...couldn't get old. I don't want to grow older. I have a very comfortable lifestyle where I don't really do any work and I get to complain about it too. I don't want to have to grow up and get a job and I definitely don't want to pay bills and the like. I don't think that I'm ugly (call me vain). I do put myself down sometimes but it's only to help a friend with their confidence by letting them know that we're all human and have our flaws. Back to topic. Immortality seems like the way to go, you don't get old, you don't die, and you get to see everything in history unfold (rise and fall of empires, wars, peace, etc.) but being immortal won't stop time from outrunning you. Imagine being stuck while you watch your time pass you by. Not to mention having all of your loved ones die right before your eyes. Their lives would seem like flowers, blossoming and them wilting as the great wind of time scoops up the petals and takes them away. And no matter how fast you run or how much you try, you will never be able to catch them. In truth though I feel like I would give anything for immortality I have to take these facts into consideration. So yes I would consider immortality if it were possible but no one can truly live forever, because death and time have a way of getting you no matter how fast you run or where you hide.
Hope I left you with a few things to think about. See you tomorrow.
Life seems like a dream sometimes. The time seems to slip through my fingers like water and the only trace left of it are the tiny drops that are my memories. Sometimes it seems like my life is some big reality show. However said that life is like a lemon was spot on in my opinion. Sometimes I think that it would be nice not to feel pain, sorrow, jealousy,or longing but without feeling these things we would take all of the good things for granted and miss the most remarkable moments of life. I'm a gotta-see-it-to believe-it kind of person but I do believe that being able to feel love, pain, happiness, and even anger are miracles. Without feelings I would not feel alive. I think that true happiness can only be achieved by feeling all of the other emotions (good and bad) and letting myself bask in the moment.
I'm afraid of death. I'm also a little excited. What comes next? Will I feel? Is there a heaven and hell or is death just a gray void? Or will I be reincarnated? I have traveled a little around the world so I'm not afraid of the unknown as long as it's on Earth because, when I think about it, it's not really that unknown. I know that I am still on Earth, I usually know where on Earth that is, and I know that I can go home. Death is totally different. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know if I'll be alone or with the ones I love, I don't even know if I will be able to feel anything. That doesn't matter to me as much as the knowledge that there is no going back. If I don't like what happens or even if I become a hallow shell with no feelings or memories I won't be able to wish it all away and come back to life. I can accept that I will die and sometimes I become very curious but I still have that fear of never coming back. Of leaving the nice, cozy familiar things that anchor me here and stepping into the cold and uncertain unknown. Death is the future but when I die will I have a future? Will I have a past or present? Moreover will I still have my memories. I don't think I could stand to loose all of the things that make me who I am.
Everyone has wanted to live forever once in their lifetime. Usually it's when they are younger and they feel that they will be invincible if only they wouldn't...uh...couldn't get old. I don't want to grow older. I have a very comfortable lifestyle where I don't really do any work and I get to complain about it too. I don't want to have to grow up and get a job and I definitely don't want to pay bills and the like. I don't think that I'm ugly (call me vain). I do put myself down sometimes but it's only to help a friend with their confidence by letting them know that we're all human and have our flaws. Back to topic. Immortality seems like the way to go, you don't get old, you don't die, and you get to see everything in history unfold (rise and fall of empires, wars, peace, etc.) but being immortal won't stop time from outrunning you. Imagine being stuck while you watch your time pass you by. Not to mention having all of your loved ones die right before your eyes. Their lives would seem like flowers, blossoming and them wilting as the great wind of time scoops up the petals and takes them away. And no matter how fast you run or how much you try, you will never be able to catch them. In truth though I feel like I would give anything for immortality I have to take these facts into consideration. So yes I would consider immortality if it were possible but no one can truly live forever, because death and time have a way of getting you no matter how fast you run or where you hide.
Hope I left you with a few things to think about. See you tomorrow.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to my Blogger Friend!!!
I made sure that I blogged this at the latest I could in case you die on your birthday. :P I am so jealous that your 14 already. Wait for me!!!!! I wanted to get you the best birthday present but I guess I'll have to wait until the party. If you want a hint to what it is lets say SHOPPING SPREE. Anyway have a happy birthday and I'll see you tomorrow.
I made sure that I blogged this at the latest I could in case you die on your birthday. :P I am so jealous that your 14 already. Wait for me!!!!! I wanted to get you the best birthday present but I guess I'll have to wait until the party. If you want a hint to what it is lets say SHOPPING SPREE. Anyway have a happy birthday and I'll see you tomorrow.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Beautiful Lie
Since we were little we have always been told that lies are bad. Our parents taught us that the truth will set you free, that the world would be a better and happier place if everyone said the truth. I don't really agree to that.
I think that people use lies as a kind of protection. A wall between the world that their minds create and the true world. The fake world has its ups and downs but we still feel like we're in control of everything around us, but put the lies aside and you find yourself in a world where you are just a pawn of society and whatever you do doesn't matter whatsoever. That would be scary.
When you think about it we all have to lie sometimes. We start with small ones like "he did it" or "the dog ate my homework" to more sophisticated ones like adultery or thievery as we get older. Everyone lies and your lying to yourself if you say that you don't.
Secrets.
In a world where we only speak the truth there would not be any secrets. That is a hard thing to imagine. To have your darkest thoughts and your worst memories known by everyone that you love. Many people say that if someone loves you enough then they will also love your faults. NO one loves your faults. They may love you enough not to take them into consideration but no one will ever appreciate you for all of the bad things you have done. People's judgement is harsh even by those that you love.
So in short I believe that lies and secrets are necessary to everyone. The truth may set you free but takes a hell of a lot of guts to say it.
I think that people use lies as a kind of protection. A wall between the world that their minds create and the true world. The fake world has its ups and downs but we still feel like we're in control of everything around us, but put the lies aside and you find yourself in a world where you are just a pawn of society and whatever you do doesn't matter whatsoever. That would be scary.
When you think about it we all have to lie sometimes. We start with small ones like "he did it" or "the dog ate my homework" to more sophisticated ones like adultery or thievery as we get older. Everyone lies and your lying to yourself if you say that you don't.
Secrets.
In a world where we only speak the truth there would not be any secrets. That is a hard thing to imagine. To have your darkest thoughts and your worst memories known by everyone that you love. Many people say that if someone loves you enough then they will also love your faults. NO one loves your faults. They may love you enough not to take them into consideration but no one will ever appreciate you for all of the bad things you have done. People's judgement is harsh even by those that you love.
So in short I believe that lies and secrets are necessary to everyone. The truth may set you free but takes a hell of a lot of guts to say it.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Last Post of the Summer
Sorry friends but I won't be able to blog this summer. i promise to blog the minute I come home or find another internet access. I hope you like the pictures of the boys I meet in France and Italy!!!! Bye and i really will miss you guys...uh... girls. :)
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