Life, Death, and Immortality

I was falling asleep last night when I thought about what it would feel like to be old. I had such a clear picture in my head that it scared me. I wondered how fast time would fly between now and then. It made me wonder about life, death, and the prospect of immortality.

Life seems like a dream sometimes. The time seems to slip through my fingers like water and the only trace left of it are the tiny drops that are my memories. Sometimes it seems like my life is some big reality show. However said that life is like a lemon was spot on in my opinion. Sometimes I think that it would be nice not to feel pain, sorrow, jealousy,or longing but without feeling these things we would take all of the good things for granted and miss the most remarkable moments of life. I'm a gotta-see-it-to believe-it kind of person but I do believe that being able to feel love, pain, happiness, and even anger are miracles. Without feelings I would not feel alive. I think that true happiness can only be achieved by feeling all of the other emotions (good and bad) and letting myself bask in the moment.

I'm afraid of death. I'm also a little excited. What comes next? Will I feel? Is there a heaven and hell or is death just a gray void? Or will I be reincarnated? I have traveled a little around the world so I'm not afraid of the unknown as long as it's on Earth because, when I think about it, it's not really that unknown. I know that I am still on Earth, I usually know where on Earth that is, and I know that I can go home. Death is totally different. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know if I'll be alone or with the ones I love, I don't even know if I will be able to feel anything. That doesn't matter to me as much as the knowledge that there is no going back. If I don't like what happens or even if I become a hallow shell with no feelings or memories I won't be able to wish it all away and come back to life. I can accept that I will die and sometimes I become very curious but I still have that fear of never coming back. Of leaving the nice, cozy familiar things that anchor me here and stepping into the cold and uncertain unknown. Death is the future but when I die will I have a future? Will I have a past or present? Moreover will I still have my memories. I don't think I could stand to loose all of the things that make me who I am.

Everyone has wanted to live forever once in their lifetime. Usually it's when they are younger and they feel that they will be invincible if only they wouldn't...uh...couldn't get old. I don't want to grow older. I have a very comfortable lifestyle where I don't really do any work and I get to complain about it too. I don't want to have to grow up and get a job and I definitely don't want to pay bills and the like. I don't think that I'm ugly (call me vain). I do put myself down sometimes but it's only to help a friend with their confidence by letting them know that we're all human and have our flaws. Back to topic. Immortality seems like the way to go, you don't get old, you don't die, and you get to see everything in history unfold (rise and fall of empires, wars, peace, etc.) but being immortal won't stop time from outrunning you. Imagine being stuck while you watch your time pass you by. Not to mention having all of your loved ones die right before your eyes. Their lives would seem like flowers, blossoming and them wilting as the great wind of time scoops up the petals and takes them away. And no matter how fast you run or how much you try, you will never be able to catch them. In truth though I feel like I would give anything for immortality I have to take these facts into consideration. So yes I would consider immortality if it were possible but no one can truly live forever, because death and time have a way of getting you no matter how fast you run or where you hide.

Hope I left you with a few things to think about. See you tomorrow.